Battling Back WIth An Irreversible Brain Injury

Trigger warning: Suicide

Decemember 2022 in an attempt to end  my life I was hit by a train. I refractured by pelvis, fractured my skull, and I had a brain bleed. I spent 8 weeks on the Trauma Ward at the U of A Hospital in a neck collar. I now live with Encephalomalacia of Rectus Gyrus (part of the Frontal Lobe of the Brain). I was discharged with no help for my brain injury (other that my psychiatrist and therapist I had at the time, but they do not specialize in brain injury). This is where I started to get completely lost in our healthcare system. In the eyes of others I functioned enough to "get by", but it has been a constant battle with very little happiness. Through great disfunction and dispair I have had to claw my way out to learn about my brain injury and find help for brain injury (still in process). I also don't just deal with the effects of brain injury. I am also diagnosed with Depression, ADHD,  PTSD, and BPD (all of this is a very heavy load).

Through reading my own scans and doing my research I have learned more about my brain injury.  I'm not sure why the doctors withheld information about my brain injury from me. Maybe they thought I would not understand it? Maybe they thought it would overwhelm me? Who knows!!

Encephalomalacia of the Rectus Gyrus is a localized softening or loss of brain tissue in the innermost paert of the Frontal Lobe, typically representing permanent damage, from a prior stroke, trauma, infection or surgery. People with injury in this location of the brain may have affect on their executive function, behaviour, smell, and vision. Unfortunely, I suffer from all 4 of these effects from the injury I have in this location.

The prognosis is that this is a chronic, irreversible change. It represents the finals scarred result of a previous injury, not an active progreassive infection or tumor.

When I left the Trauma Unit there were no referralls to help with what life would be like living with a brain injury. 3 years later I realized I could no longer wait for the help to come to me because I would probably lose my life to suicide doing that. I realized I have to learn about my injury and find the help.

More to come....